Mama and More

It’s nights like these that remind me of the miracle these two little ones are. When I am so proud of JJ – of his massive personality and a smile that matches it in size. He was so thrilled tonight that people clapped for him when he was on the stage. I am so in love with that little boy.

Nights like this remind me of the years that I spent wishing and praying for children. And that God’s blessings are not in our control. In fact, very little of life is under our control. A lesson I am currently learning again. There is nothing we can do to manipulate God into giving us what we want. That would make us God and God into a vending machine.

They remind me that God really is good, whether I feel like He is or not. To be thankful for what He’s given me.

That it’s ok to be mama. Yes – I wear so many other hats, but what I am called to be is mama to JJ and Miss K. And that’s ok. It’s good. I am content in this role. Much moreso than I used to be.

They remind me of the support we have – that we are part of a community who cares about us and will come out to watch my boy in a chaotic preschool concert and be happy to do it.

But most of all, nights like this prove to me that God is working behind the scenes. He is growing my little boy into someone who loves God, who loves to sing about his Jesus, and who had a heart for his friends.

I am blessed.

Faith is a journey. I don’t think anyone will argue with me on that one. It’s not like you wake up one morning and can fully trust God with everything. Or that the moment you become a christian you understand it all. Because I certainly don’t. Understand it all, that is. Yesterday morning’s discussion on faith was interesting. Once of the comments was that it’s hard to trust God when you see all of the bad things happening. How can you believe that God is good when he doesn’t answer our prayers to get out of those situations? On the contrary – I see that God is good WHEN he DOESN’T answer the way I think he should. It is then that God is showing me that he’s got better plans for me. When we were struggling to get pregnant, I often asked myself “Why isn’t God answering my prayers to have a baby?” When the truth was – God was answering. He was saying “I’ve got better plans for you than you have for yourself. I could give you a baby anytime, but my time is best.” So we waited and struggled and I wrestled through some other personal things that God needed to set me free from and then finally – when the time was right, I did get pregnant. I don’t understand why that time was perfect, but I see now that it was, and that causes me to trust God more fully. More recently when Byron got his cancer diagnosis, I struggled again with faith – again asking God “why”. But over the course of a few days I came to the place when I could trust God with this – He had been faithful to me before, and He would be again. Despite my circumstances – even if the worst case scenario were to happen – God is good and has good plans for me and my family. He WILL take care of us. And He has – but more about that later.

GOD IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS.

So I guess deepening of faith – for me anyways – has come by walking down those dark paths. Where I would never choose to go, but where life brings me. God comes along side and proves himself to me again and again. And you know what? For the lessons I’ve learned in those times, I would never go back and choose the “easy” way.

I am a great multi-tasker, if I do say so myself. I can read multiple books at once, I can listen to one conversation and be talking in another, and at this very moment I am watching TV with my son, drinking coffee and typing this blog post. But all of this multi-tasking has a cost. I am rarely “all there”. When I am in one place, I am thinking of the next place I need to go. When I am driving, I’m thinking of what I need to do when I get there. I rarely live in the moment and truly experience life as it exists right now. So this is my great challenge for this fall. Wherever I am – to be ALL there. There are times for planning ahead, but there are also times for living in the moment. My job will be to distinguish which is which. Today in music class. Tomorrow at JJ’s birthday party. Next week at the hospital. To experience what is there to experience – to be ALL there.

It’s beginning to feel a lot like fall. I’m sitting here drinking coffee, wearing socks and a sweater, enjoying the sound of rain tapping against the window. Yep – definitely fall. My favorite time of year. Maybe this is where my love of all things office supplies comes from. There’s nothing like opening a new package of pens or post-its. Memories of packing brand new binders into brand new backpacks warm my heart. I can still smell that “new pencil” scent. Mmmm.

And it’s the return to routine. Today Bible Study starts again – we’re going to be doing Beth Moore’s “Believing God” study, and I can’t wait. Though I’m a little nervous to be dropping off both of my kids at child care. JJ will do just fine, but I’m pretty sure there will be a few tears on Miss K’s part. I’m hoping she’ll be willing to go to sleep in the crib there and just take her morning nap.

Tomorrow JJ starts preschool. I can’t believe he’s almost 3! There may be tears tomorrow as well, but I doubt they’ll be his. How am I so blessed to have him in my life? And how is it possible that he’s already old enough to venture into school? Remind me to enjoy him more.

So this morning I’m appreciating fall – looking forward to routine and new beginnings and maybe some brand new pens 🙂

Here it is! 7 hours of work, 2 bags of recycling and 1 bag of garbage later I have a clean pantry!

OK – So it’s been a long time since I’ve posted, and since no one reads my blog anyways, that’s probably ok 😉 I’ll fill in a little later on what’s been up on my little corner of the world, but first – here are the “before” pictures for the great PAI Pantry cleanout challenge (as if I needed more to do!):

So – prepare to be amazed. I’m just putting on the finishing touches and getting rid of the last of the recycling. “After” pictures should be coming soon!